Whew! So I finally wrote a blog. After so much procrastination.
I was in my bed the other day and I was thinking ‘I want to write another blog’. But on what? I had no idea. I mean it can’t be that hard. After writing one cockroach- inspired blog, I felt that from then on everything was just going to fall into my lap. Was I to chill for another cockroach attack? Or as I have been trying so hard to prevent that by dousing my entire room with pesticides(yea, farmers pesticide!) was I to wait for a catastrophe or a natural disaster?
Yea, writing is hard.
Do I already have Writer’s Block?!!!
So now my present dilemma was making me feel very talent-less. I’ve felt like this for a long, long time and it is very depressing. This feeling has been the result of my sprees. First was the time I wanted to write real bad. I had to get the ‘Materials’ first.
The fancy notebooks. Writing or not, I am a sucker for really cute notebooks.
The memo pads. All the sticky note thingies. Hey, you never know when an idea is gon’ pop in your head.
The pens. Perfect pens. Not designer pens, can’t afford that, no. Just perfect. Not too blunt. Not too sharp. Sometimes German.
And then my laptop my lovely mum gave me.
My dad is an awesome journalist so I was thinking maybe some good genes rubbed off on me.
After editing, rephrasing & joining different blog sites, I gave up!
And now my laptop battery can’t even hold charge anymore. -_-
My siblings just hogged up all the good genes. Pfft!!!
And then came the writer’s block. After all procrastination and Writer’s block are two evil siblings.
Another example of one of my escapades was a time when I had, and I still do have, wonderful fashion designs in my head.
So I went out and I got sketching pads, coloured pencils etc. I could very well own a stationary shop.
But I can’t sketch shit!
Tried to take sketching classes online.
But with school and everything, I just didn’t make out the time.
Months later, my desk is gathering dust.
Is that one called ‘designer’s block?’ -_-
You can’t blame me. Like I said, little old me always needs the perfect tools.
But I keep fighting with my inner self that keeps telling me that I am no good.
It keeps criticising me and driving me crazy that I finally came up with the perfect excuse.
Foolish me. A cockroach finally made me overcome my so-called writer’s block and post something.
Maybe I should have just chilled for that roach. It Would have saved me a lot of cash and heartache.
So maybe I have Writer’s Block. Maybe I don’t. I”m not pretending to be some talented, creative individual. Infact I am a big klutz! But point is, I love writing. But baring my soul to the world, sharing my thoughts, making myself subject to criticism, well, I shudder at the thought. Maybe that’s what makes writing hard for me. The vulnerability.
I don’t mind showing the world what a total klutz I am anymore. So maybe I won’t achieve perfection the first time around. But I’m out of my comfort zone. It is ACTUALLY cool to f*ck something up. It’s not a mistake when you are learning from it right.
I guess what I’m really trying to say is Being Scared and over-thinking stuff sometimes leads to nowhere. Sometimes there is no definite way to go about something you love. In the words of a very talented blogger, ‘Feel free to f*ck up. Cos f*ck ups lead to freedom.
So if there is something that you have always wanted to do, why don’t you start today?
Just delve into it. Get in, get started and get going.
So I finally got the courage to tell those negative twats in my head to take a chill pill and cool it. Just gimme a pen and my notebook (or my BlackBerry, hehe) cos this baby is going to write.